Falling for the Ghost of You Read online

  "Shit," he mutters, and briefly closes his eyes. When he opens them again, they burn into mine. "No. We're taking it nice and slow, even if it kills me."

  Does he not understand I'm the one dying here? I strain against his hold. "No, Zane," I almost sob. "I can't wait another second!"

  "Fuck, Violet." He swears roughly. The tortured look on his face is hitting all my good time buttons in just the right spot. "I owe you new underwear," he growls.

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm ripping this one off you."

  Yes, please.

  ******

  Chapter 28

  What happens next is...wow, I don't know how to describe it. It's not anywhere near what I pictured my first time to be. I was expecting a bittersweet love song, full of candlelight and soft sighs.

  But that's not me—not with Zane. Maybe it's because it's been building up between us for so long, or maybe that's the way we're both wired—I don't know. Instead of the gentle rain tapping at the windows, I get a beautiful savage hurricane. Instead of my love song, I get hard rock—a screaming outdoor concert in the storm, with pounding bass and feral dancing in the rain and mud. It's pain, mixed with an overwhelming pleasure, and that somehow makes it more amazing.

  It couldn't have been more perfect, or more right.

  I roll on my side, wincing a little at the tenderness. Zane immediately turns to me, concerned.

  "You okay?"

  "Oh, yeah." I smile up at him, giddy with an overload of emotions.

  Zane laughs reluctantly. He rubs a hand over his face. "Damn it, I've never been that rough before—not even with girls I know can take it. With you... I lost control." He reaches out and smoothes back a lock of my hair. "I'm sorry."

  I prop myself up on one elbow and peer at him. "Wait. You're admitting sex with me is different than with any other girl, and that it was so hot, you couldn't control yourself. And you're apologizing? Dude."

  Zane stares up at the ceiling. "I've created a monster," he mutters.

  I snicker smugly, nudging his arm. "Not bad for a virgin, right? So, am I the best you ever had?"

  He smirks back at me, tugging the sheet from my tight grip. "Yes, Violet Mercer, you are a sex goddess. You're the best I've ever had. I think I went deaf there for a while."

  Embarrassed, but laughing, I try to wrestle the sheet back from him. "Is it because of my smokin' hot body?"

  Zane suddenly rolls so that he's half lying on top of me. He caresses my face with one hand. "It's because of this." He dips his head down and covers my mouth with his. "And this." He moves his hand over my heart. "This," he whispers. Then his hands trails down, over my stomach, and past it.

  I gasp and lock eyes with him. Unspoken words pass between us. He lowers his forehead to mine, and we stay connected like that for one precious moment.

  "What do you wanna do now?" he asks lazily, breaking the spell. "We could go down to the park and grab something to eat."

  I run my hands up and down his smooth hard chest. "Or," I say. "We could eat up here, then go down later."

  Zane chuckles, low and sexy. "I like the way you think. Tell you what—why don't I run you a hot bath, then I'll take a quick shower, and order us some food? What do you want?"

  "Meat," I say promptly. "You know what I like. And I'd rather have a shower."

  "Trust me. You’ll feel better after a bath."

  I frown at his back as he gets up and disappears into the bathroom. A minute later, I hear the sound of running water.

  Why would I need a bath? I ache a little, but not that bad. Zane's just being overly cautious. It's sweet.

  Then I try to stand and—okay, ow. Wrapping the sheet around me, I grab some clothes from my bag and carefully hobble to the bathroom. Zane says something to me, but I'm too distracted by his incredible body to understand. He just laughs and shakes his head.

  After helping me in, he leaves to shower in the other bathroom. I lean my head back against a convenient little ledge and close my eyes, sighing in content.

  I don't know where the tears come from, but once they start, I can't stop them. I sob quietly into my hands, not even sure why I'm crying. I just had the most amazing experience of my life, so why do I feel this way? How do I feel? Not happy—that's not the right emotion. Ecstatically miserable? Joy mixed with razor blades? I can't explain it. I feel like I could soar through the clouds, but it costs me dearly.

  I'm in love with Zane—of course I know that. Just like I know I can't keep him. The distance and my insecurities...it's only a matter of time before they tear us apart. How long before he gets tired of me? I mean, he never said he loved me, never talked about our future. He doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't have to love me back. No matter how much it hurts to...

  Never mind. I'll take Zane any way I can get him. I just want to live in the moment. No regrets.

  That’s the secret of life, right?

  Zane comes in to give me some Tylenol and a glass of water, and to let me know the food will be here in twenty minutes. Did I mention how good he looks just out of the shower? His damp hair looks almost black, and that freshly showered smell clings to his skin.

  He's wearing a pair of black sweatpants that hang a little from his hips, and no shirt. He should never wear shirts, or pants, or...

  Ugh. Need to get my head out of the gutter.

  I get out of the tub, feeling invigorated and refreshed. After vigorously drying myself off with a fluffy towel, I put on my hot pink bunny panties and a green silk robe—perfect attire for lounging around with your hot boyfriend.

  Our food is here by the time I'm done in the bathroom. We sit on the ground next to the windows in the living room. I've got a huge juicy bacon burger with steak fries while Zane has his usual healthy crap—some kind of wheatgrass and cabbage wrap things. Blah.

  I'm starving! It's almost three in the afternoon, and this is only thing I've had to eat all day. Zane doesn't care that I eat like a pig—he seems to enjoy my appreciation of food, thank goodness. I don't stuff my face like I used to, but I do like to eat.

  "So, am I ever going to see your place?" I ask him after taking a big drink of water.

  Zane hesitates, glancing out the window. "I was thinking we'd go by there on Monday before I take you home."

  "Really?" I bounce excitedly. "That'd be awesome."

  "Yeah." His smile is stiff, but I pretend not to notice. Could he be less enthusiastic?

  I decide to change the subject. " So," I say, pointing a fry at him. "What do you want for Christmas?"

  "You."

  I make a face and throw my fry at him. "I'm serious."

  "So am I." He tosses my fry back at me. "You've got Christmas break coming up, right? Spend it with me."

  I start laughing, but when I see the utterly serious look on his face, my laughter fades. "You must be joking. My mom would never..."

  "I'll talk to her," Zane says, sitting up from his sprawled position. "She'll say yes."

  My eyes widen. "You're going to tell her about us?"

  He smirks slightly. "You don't think she already knows?"

  "That we're together like this?" I wave my hand at our casual state of dress. "She'll freak out! I'll be grounded for the first time in my life!"

  "What, you think she expects you to be her good little girl forever?" Zane takes a swig from his water bottle. "Look, I'll take care of it, okay? If you want to stay with me, I'll make it work."

  My heart stumbles when I look at him. “Of course I want to. That would be so…incredible.”

  I love the way Zane’s face lights up. He leans toward me, his eyes darkening. “You’re incredible. Come here.”

  I immediately crawl over to him. The food forgotten, we start kissing. He tugs on the sash of my robe, pulling it open. When he glances down, he bursts out laughing.

  "Wait—turn around. Is that...?"

  I have no idea what he's talking about, but I turn so that my back is to him. He slides my robe off my shoulders, then I
feel his hand on my butt.

  "There's that rabbit." He chuckles, sounding way too amused.

  I whirl around with a gasp. "You remember?!"

  "How could I forget? Hell, I had dreams about those panties."

  "What kind of dreams?"

  Zane grins wickedly, patting my bunny's face. "I'll show you later."

  My mind goes back to that embarrassing incident. That was the day Matt broke up with me. I remember being totally devastated, crying like a fool. Ugh, then bumping into Zane—or Hot Guy at the time—and how mortified I was at a gorgeous stranger seeing me at my blubbering worst.

  Who could have ever predicted that I would end up like this, with said gorgeous stranger, and that Matt's betrayal would be nothing more than a distant memory?

  Shaking my head, I smile at Zane. "I thought I'd never see you again."

  "If I didn't know I'd see you again, I'd have gotten your number."

  "Aww, that's so...wait, what?" I stare at him, puzzled. "How'd you know you'd see me again?"

  He leans back against on his elbows, regarding me with a teasing look. "I recognized you from the fifty pictures your mom showed me of her beautiful daughter, Violet."

  "Really? Ugh! Why didn't you say something?"

  "And miss that look on your face when I showed up?" Zane smirks.

  "That's just great," I mutter. I slip my robe back on and tie the sash up uncomfortably tight.

  "Come on, Violet, don't be mad." He grabs my arm and pulls me against his bare chest, so I'm half lying on him.

  I snuggled up against him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm not. Just horribly embarrassed. Again."

  Zane chuckles, moving his hand over my hair. "You know," he begins after a short silence. "I told myself to stay away from you."

  I tilt my head back to look at him. "Why?"

  "When I first saw your picture, I wanted you," he admits. "Then that day I found you crying and stuck in a door...you were so sweet and vulnerable. And then you showed up on my doorstep. I didn't want to hurt you, so I tried to keep my distance."

  He's smiling wryly down at me. I poke him in the chest. "And that night in the pool? Was that keeping your distance?"

  His smile gets bigger. "Oh, that."

  "Yeah, that."

  "That was...an experiment."

  "An experiment?" I repeat incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"

  “Hey, it’s all good now, right?” I can feel the vibrations of his quiet laughter, and it tickles.

  “More than okay,” I admit. A yawn escapes me, and I stretch languidly against him. “What time is it?”

  Zane reaches for his phone on the table a few inches from our heads. He snags it and squints at the screen. “Three-fifteen.”

  I sit up, suddenly full of energy. “Do you want to check out Fairytale Castle now?”

  “Sure you’re up to it?” he asks lazily.

  “Yeah, I feel great! Let’s go.”

  Shaking his head at my enthusiasm, Zane gets up. We clean up our little picnic mess, then get dressed. I watch in giddy fascination as my boyfriend(!) puts on a gray shirt and changes into jeans. It’s such a shame to watch that drool-worthy body of his disappear behind clothes, but the long-sleeved fitted shirt does cling to his muscled torso in a tantalizing way, and his butt in those jeans…mmm…

  Zane catches me staring and throws a shirt at me. Then, to return the favor, he crosses his arms and watches while I get dressed in a soft pink sweater and black pants. His attention makes me nervous, and the sweater ends up in a tangle, with my arms stuck over my head. Then he has to help me fix it, which is just my luck. What if I ever tried to be sexy—like do a striptease for him? I would trip and end up in the hospital with my bra wrapped around my neck.

  Yeah, that sounds about right.

  ******

  Chapter 29

  I love Fairytale Castle! It’s like an elaborate Renaissance fair, with rides and balloons and cotton candy, and wandering minstrels, and…oh, everything! Of course since it's December, Ye Olde Towne Square is adorned with Christmas decorations galore: Christmas trees, colorful wreaths, twinkling lights—everything to make a little fairy princess at heart happy! Patrons are encouraged to dress the part, and we pass by countless sparkling princesses, seductive wenches, dashing little pirates, and…vampires? Really?

  Okay, I know this is going to sound really dorky, but I’ve always wanted to come here with a boyfriend. Matt never wanted to go—he never wanted to go anywhere. Not even when I told him about coming here in my pre-teens and dreaming that I was here with a gorgeous guy who I could hang on to during the scary parts of the rides, or lean against while standing in line. I’d seen other couples do it before, and it just seemed so romantic to me.

  Well, I’m glad Matt always turned me down, because now I’m here with Zane, and it couldn’t be more perfect. We are standing in line for the Pirates’ Cove ride—my favorite roller coaster—and he has me encircled in the warmth of his strong arms. While I’m eating cotton candy! Could life get any better?

  I notice a girl with braces watching us with a wistful expression on her face. She’s a couple of people behind us, and appears to be with her rowdy family. A freckled little boy keeps whacking her rear end with a toy sword, and she’s trying desperately to ignore him.

  Her eyes meet mine. I try to silently convey my sympathy to her with a smile. She’s too busy staring at Zane to notice me. Figures.

  “I love cotton candy!” I turn around in Zane’s arms to smile up at him. “The only thing I hate is the sticky fingers.”

  I hold my fingers up, and he takes my hand and gently sucks on each one. My eyes go blurry at the tingling sensations he evokes.

  “Mm,” he says, grinning. “I love your sticky fingers.”

  "Gross," I laugh, tossing the rest of my cotton candy into a nearby trash bin.

  The line inches forward. I have to tug Zane to get him to move. When I look at him, I find him staring up at the giant structure that houses one of the scariest roller coasters ever, a tense look on his handsome face.

  "Are you okay?" I ask, concerned.

  "Fine."

  His curt answer has me frowning. "No, you're not. That little muscle in your jaw is jumping. That means you're upset about something."

  Zane glances down at me. "No, it doesn't."

  "Yes, it does."

  "Nope."

  I study his face closely, while he avoids my meeting my eyes. Is he pale beneath his golden tan? I think so.

  "Wait, are you scared of roller coasters?"

  "No," he answers quickly. Then he frowns, staring off into the distance. "I wouldn't say 'scared'. I just don't like the part before the big drop. That slow build up, the anticipation...it's annoying."

  Big strong Zane O' Connor afraid of roller coasters? Cute!

  "Don't worry," I reassure him, taking his hand. "I'll protect you."

  "Thanks, Violet," he replies dryly.

  "We don't have to go on it if you don't want to."

  "Oh, don't you worry about me." Zane smirks. "It's not that serious."

  I can't the giggle that escapes me. I turn away to hide it, and that's when I notice the girl with the braces.

  "Ugh," I mutter, facing Zane again. "That girl over there is taking pictures of you with her phone. She's been staring at you this whole time."

  Zane doesn't bother looking, he just angles his face away. "Don't tell me you're jealous."

  I scowl at the girl. "Of course not, but it's rude! She's probably texting all her little friends, 'oh, look at the super hot guy standing next to the dumpy girl.' Ugh!"

  He squints down at me. "Did you just call yourself dumpy?"

  "She's probably thinking that, the little bitch. Do you want me to go over and say something to her?"

  "Easy, tiger." Zane grins and rubs my shoulders. The line is moving."

  Grumbling, I move forward. I catch the girl's eye and glare at her. Frightened, she quickly turns around.

 
Great, now I feel bad. And completely immature. What's wrong with me? Remembering Helize's words, I inwardly groan.

  Guard my heart. Yeah, right.

  I am having so much fun right now. Zane goes on every ride with me, not complaining once. Not even when I make him go on the Princesses' Carousel. I buy him a dorky canary yellow shirt that reads ‘Fairytale Castle V.I.P’. and dare him to wear it. He just shrugs and puts it on right over his long-sleeved shirt, not self-conscious at all. And he looks hot in it! Of course, when I put on the same shirt, I look like a big-breasted circus clown.

  We eat dinner at Pirate Dan's, a restaurant on this big wooden boat sailing in a man-made lake. I have clam linguini and Zane has a salad of some kind. The ambience is perfect—the dark dining room lit by the soft glow of big Chinese lanterns, and the music is whimsical and romantic. Pirates and wenches roam around, making sure our drinks are always filled.

  After dinner, we go up to the deck and kiss and kiss under the stars. Then Zane takes my hand, towing me back to the hotel with breathless urgency.

  Afterwards, we stand at the balcony, watching a special fireworks show. As I watch bursts of color light up the night sky, warm and secure in Zane's arms, I finally let go of my fears and doubts, and allow myself to be really truly happy.

  No regrets.

  ******

  Chapter 30

  We don't get much sleep that night, so when I finally get up, it's already ten in the morning. I stretch my whole body feeling wonderfully achy and content.

  Zane leans over and kisses my bare stomach. "Wanna grab a shower together?"

  I laugh and pull the sheet back up. "No, Yeah, separate ones. I'm kind of...achy from last night."

  "Sorry," he says, grinning unrepentantly. "Separate showers, it is. Then we'll get breakfast. Sound good?"

  I smile back at him. "Sounds great."

  As I'm getting clothes from my bag, Zane's phone rings. Scowling down at the screen, he mutters, "It's work. I need to answer."

  He walks out of the room, mumbling a curt greeting to whoever called him.